Watching Fight Club does not make you a Philosopher.
Purchasing a guitar does not make you a musician.
Reading Kafka does not make you a literati.
Going to college does not make you a scholar.
Owning a skateboard does not make you an athlete.
Owning a jersey does not mean you are on the team.
Having a full address book does not mean you have friends.
Knowing a large volume of facts does not mean you are intelligent.
Getting laid does not mean you have life experience.
You are not a more popular person for wearing designer clothes.
You are not an important, creative individual for refusing to do so.
You are not a charity case because you have suffered.
You are not stable or healthy because you have not.
Listening to Mozart and rejecting My Chemical Romance does not mean you are cultured.
Watching Quentin Tarantino and not Michael Bay does not mean you are cultured.
Painting a picture instead of playing a videogame does not mean you are cultured.
Reading the book before you see the movie does not mean you are cultured.
Going to Church does not make you Religious.
Not going to Church does not make you spiritual.
Having an opinion does not mean you cannot be wrong.
Being right does not mean anyone cares.
Reciting MadTV and Dane Cook does not mean you are funny.
Not finding these things funny does not mean you have a sense of humour.
Poor artists are not automatically better than successful ones.
Technically skilled artists are not automatically good ones.
Memetics is not the study of jokes on the internet.
No one is impressed that you watch anime in subtitled Japanese.
No one is impressed that you won't watch anime.
No one is impressed that you have a date tonight.
No one is impressed that you have a car.
No one is impressed that you have a job.
No one is impressed that you pay the bills all by yourself.
No one is impressed that you're older, and no one thinks you wiser.
Doing drugs doesn't make you a badass.
Stealing doesn't make you a badass.
Speaking out against authority doesn't make you a badass.
Fighting the system doesn't make you a badass.
Voting Democrat does not mean you are forward-thinking.
Voting Republican does not mean you're willing to stand on principle despite your peers.
You aren't clever because your T-Shirt is.
You aren't clever because you know more about the scene.
You aren't clever because you crack wise about politicians and talking heads.
Using a Mac doesn't make you creative.
Using Linux doesn't make you productive.
Using Firefox doesn't make you computer savvy.
Arguing about videogames is not important.
Arguing about politics is no more important than arguing about videogames.
Making your computer, your car, your stereo, or anything else you own bigger, faster, or better does not make your dick larger.
Your dick isn't as large as you think it is.
You're not a better person for being tolerant and compassionate.
You're not edgy for saying "nigger" or typing out a laugh when you see a gruesome image.
Your suggestion is duly noted, and it will be ignored.
You're totally irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.
The grand scheme of things is totally irrelevant.
I just thought you ought to know