Hi. James Cameron here. Call me MIJ.

Have you heard about my new film, Avatar? When I was a child I loved to draw blue people, but my electical engineer father was completely unsupportive in any way, shape or form. He would call them them "stupid blue sea monkeys." Upset one day, I went into our living room and read a pamphlet on how to build a fallout shelter and I became obsessed with nuclear apocalypse. I continued to draw my blue people. But my father was always sharpening his knives, waiting for me to fail so he could say "Aha! I was right! You should have gone into engineering!" Why did my father hate blue aliens so much? My father gave me zero support in my dreams to create blue people. It made me so angry. He never told me I could do anything I wanted. He always doubted me. I HAD to succeed. It made me so mad. I had to prove that I was right, not my stupid engineer father. I had to make myself get good. Survive. By creating blue people. Well who's laughing now DAD???

The first movie I wrote was Xenogenesis. I wrote it with two friends and shot it in 35mm. I named it "Xenogenesis" to signify the beginning of my filmic infatuation with blue aliens.

I worked under the genius Roger Corman in 1980. Corman fired the art director for Battle Beyond the Stars, and hired me to spraypaint McDonalds containers for the spaceship corridors. Light years beyond my contemporaries, I was widely regarded for my special effects wizardry. I was obsessed with detail and hardly slept for weeks. I trained my body to require only 4 hours of sleep a night, which is still all I need. It sure paid off, didn't it? The film grossed $1.7 million its opening weekend. I became a millionaire overnight.

In 1981, I was hired as the special effects director for the blockbuster Piranha II: The Spawning. The original director left, so the producer Assonitis hired me as the director. The genius Roger Corman also produced that film. The underwater diving scenes were shot at Grand Cayman Island. Thus began my love of the ocean. It's so blue. And think what aliens might be living under its cerulean depths. They probably don't look anything like sea monkeys. But on that movie, I was surrounded by dirty Italians. The only way I could communicate with them was to yell English, louder and louder. I imagined myself as a metal exoskeleton emerging from flames, a strong and perfect directing robot, surrounded by flaming Italians. I was unstoppable.

I loved comic books and science fiction as a child, but my father gave me no support whatsoever. I loved Harlan Ellison. Nobody remembers The Outer Limits episodes that Ellison wrote, Soldier, and Demon with a Glass Hand. In 1984, nobody had read Ellison's short story I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream. So I ripped him off. When I wrote the script for The Terminator, I had no agent and was living in my car. William Wisher Jr. helped me write it. I wanted to direct but production companies didn't want a first-time director. Gale Ann Hurd's production company, who had worked with Roger Corman, showed interest. I sold the first draft to Hurd for $1 and she produced the film. And I married her. Then I directed The Terminator. You may have heard of it? 

When I direct, I like to think of myself AS The Terminator. An unstoppable cyborg sent from the future, here to enlighten all of you retarded, unwashed masses. I am a genius. I made that movie and I'm not even an engineer. I'm the king of the world. Remember the shiny blue logo at the title of the film? I love blue. You cretins can't even comprehend that. Blue and science fiction. I showed you Dad.

When I was a child, my father crushed a small toy truck with his car, and when I cried, he didn't even care. So I put that in The Terminator. The Terminator runs over a toy truck with his car. When The Terminator kills Sarah Connor's roommate, he steps on her headphones -- which is something else my asshole Dad did. In the future, after a nuclear apocalypose, there will be tank treads crushing human skulls underneath. Just like the way I felt when my dad ran over my favorite toy truck. Well, in the end of The Terminator I took that beloved semi-truck toy of mine, but made it a full-size truck, and ran IT over The Terminator. Take that Dad!

When I was 14 years old, I saw 2001: A Space Odyssey. I saw it ten times. And I cherished my behind-the-scenes book on the making of the film. I recreated the story with planets and rockets I made. I was a budding special effects dynamo.

When I was 15 years old, a few years before I became a bus driver, I saw Easy Rider, and fell in love with that little 5-year-old girl in the commune. I found out later her name was Bridget Fonda. I wrote Sarah Connor with Bridget Fonda in mind. She was 20-years-old at the time, but she passed on the part. Then I thought of Tatum O'Neal. Then I decided to make Sarah Connor older. I wanted Kate Capshaw, but she was filming Temple of Doom. I wanted Kathleen Turner, but she was filming Romancing the Stone. I also considered Rosanna Arquette, Kim Basinger, Christie Brinkley, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Mia Farrow, Jodie Foster, Teri Garr, Melanie Griffith, Goldie Hawn, Barbara Hershey, Anjelica Huston, Amy Irving, Diane Keaton, Margot Kidder, Jessica Lange, Jamie Lee Curtis, Kay Lenz, Heather Locklear, Lori Loughlin, Liza Minnelli, Rhea Perlman, Gilda Radner, Miranda Richardson, Meg Ryan, Susan Sarandon, Jane Seymour, Ally Sheedy, Cybill Shepherd, Sissy Spacek, and Sigourney Weaver. I cast Jennifer Jason Leigh as Ginger, but replaced her at the last minute with Bess Motta, because I wanted to see her get shot. I later worked with Sigourney Weaver in Aliens. And now again, in Avatar. She likes working with me. It's not like she's looking for work or doing DirecTV commercials or anything.

I chose Glenn Close to play Sarah Connor, but she wasn't available before we started. Debra Winger auditioned for Sarah Connor and she got it. But after she met me, the stupid bitch turned the role down. It's a pity, too, because she could have married me when I made the sequel. Daryl Hannah turned it down too, to star in Splash, and look where she is now. Playing ditzy strippers, just like that stupid mermaid character! How many times can you play a dumb naked bimbo Daryl? Still trying to make up for your parents giving you a boy's name?

So I cast Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor. I made her run with a broken ankle. I used bug spray for "fog" in a scene with Linda Hamilton and Michael Biehn. When executive producer John Daly told me the film had to end after the tanker explosion, I told him straight, Fuck you! The film isn't over yet. And those fuckers didn't beef up the ad campaign like I wanted! They treated the film like dogshit! But now with Avatar, it's all different. I'm the producer, director, cameraman, scriptwriter, editor, special effects creator, and I always do make-up touch-ups myself. My attention to detail is massive. Just like my penis. Did you know there are 3,000 different special effects in Avatar? I've studied each of them at least 20 times. When I see poor quality work, I love to tell my underlings "If I wanted it done this badly, I'd hire a fucking temp!" I learned this perfectionism from Roger Corman.

In 1986, I wrote and directed Aliens. Remember this? Yeah, that's right. A BLUE FUCKING ALIEN. TAKE THAT DAD! Everyone hated me compared to Ridley Scott. But so what if I made Sigourney Weaver cry? I cast James Remar as Corporal Hicks but he hated working with me. He quit citing "creative differences." What an idiot. Remember Michael Biehn from The Terminator? Yeah, that's right, I put him in Aliens as Corporal Hicks. And I made sure that his hand got bit in the movie, just like I do whenever I cast him. There was this time, when my dog Wolfie bit me as a child, and my Dad just didn't give a damn. So I take it out on Michael Biehn. I also cast Lance Henriksen -- I first drew The Terminator to look like him. He was in Piranha II, my directorial debut. And I named another character Pvt. Frost. Blue and science fiction again. I sure showed you Dad.

In 1989, I wrote and directed The Abyss. Remember the blue lettering and fantastic blue light on that black poster? God I love blue. The ocean is blue. All that blue. Remember the shiny blue water tentacle? And the glorious blue aliens? This was really the first time I saw my blue aliens on screen. Now 20 years later, you'll get to see blue aliens again. I even tried to turn some of my actors blue by keeping them in cold water for hours at a time. Who cares if I made Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio cry and say "We're not animals" when I told her to pee in her wetsuit to save time? Hell, when I directed True Lies in 1994 with Jamie Lee Curtis and Arnold Schwarzenegger I told everyone that using the lavatory was a sackable offense. My genius cannot wait for your incompetent bladders! I had considered Jamie Lee Curtis back in 1984 for the role of Sarah Connor, and when Kathryn Bigelow cast her in Blue Steel, I knew Jamie and Arnold had to be in True Lies. But Arnold didn't want her in the movie! But I crushed him! I ordered Jamie Lee Curtis her to strip for me in the dark as her audition. I later put that scene in the movie, with Arnold in the director's chair.

Now, it's no surprise that women fall in love with me when they see me work. I've been married five times. When I drove a bus at 18, I met this waitress Sharon at a trucker's bar. We were married for 12 years. But when I started making The Terminator, she just couldn't handle my awesome genius. I fell in love with the producer Gale Anne Hurd and married her. We also produced Aliens together. We also worked together on The Abyss, but again, another woman couldn't handle my impeccable genius.

Months later, I fell in love with Kathryn Bigelow. In 1989, she wrote and directed Blue Steel with Jamie Lee Curtis, about a female rookie cop and a gun-toting psychopath obsessed with her. I was so flattered by her clear love of blue, science-fiction, and The Terminator that I married her in August 1989. In 1991 she directed Point Break, and I was an executive producer. Much better than an engineer. Fuck you, Dad!

In 1990, I began producing Terminator 2. I wrote and directed it. It came out in 1991. You may have heard of it? I figured that the shiny blue water tentacle worked so well in The Abyss, I would turn THAT into a Terminator. Yeah, watch that shiny blue alien-like creature morph into a cop in a helicopter. Take that Dad! See that shiny bluish guy walking out of those flames? Shove that blue man up your ass, Dad. Notice the bluish light in the mental hospital? Remember that therapist, who wouldn't believe anything Sarah Connor said? I cast him to look just like my asshole dad. Don't you get it Dad? I'll never stop. That's what I do. That's ALL I DO. Remember when The Terminator takes the gun out of the flower box and walks over the roses? Just like you walked all over my dream of making blue aliens? Remember when T1000 walks over the sunglasses in the mental hospital? Just like you walked all over me? In the future, a terminator crushes a skull with its foot. Which is what it felt like when you crushed my toy truck, Dad. Remember how the children in the playground get nuked? Just like you nuked my childhood you giant asshole?

A year after I married that dumb bitch Kathryn, Linda Hamilton fell for me. She has a twin sister you know (That's great for casting). Whenever we needed a double we could just use her twin instead. Linda moved into my house in Malibu. A year later I knocked her up and she had our first daughter, Josephine, then she moved out. See, anybody can be a father. But it takes a genius to be James Cameron. I've got bigger and better things to do. We lived apart for five years. Now, you may have heard her say some things about me, but let me set the record straight. Linda Hamilton said "The very first night, I realized it was a mistake. He was the controlling director. The person I'd seen on set came back to life - we're in his environment, and I didn't have much of a say-so." Hey, Linda, if you don't want to fly model planes out in the desert, who gives a shit? I'm the fucking director here. If you can't take me yelling Action! and Cut! on our honeymoon, fuck you you dumb bitch.

In 1995, I wrote the sci-fi movie Strange Days. Isn't that poster with Ralph Fiennes's face in blue so awesome? I love blue people and I love sci-fi. That movie was directed by my ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow.

In 1997, I wrote my biggest masterpiece yet and directed it, Titanic. Think of all the blue in that movie. The ocean. A delightfully bluish iceberg. Ice cold blue Leonardo DiCaprio. I had the cast and crew in cold water for ten hours a day. I wanted them all to turn blue. Some people got colds, flues, even kidney infections. That's because I'm a genius and you're not. The bluish face of Kate Winslet. Blue lips. Like a wonderful blue alien. But they were never blue enough! Kate Winslet said she would never work with me again. What a baby! So what if she nearly drowned and got the flu and chipped a bone in her elbow? My vision is my vision. And my vision is perfect. I get people to go that extra mile, just like Roger Corman did. They go beyond their limits and then afterwards they talk about it like it was a big adventure. "Oh man, we worked around the clock and you know, we all almost died." The more I can lead other people into these situations where they all think they're going to die, the more fun I'm having. They've done the best that they've done in their professional careers. Titanic became the highest grossing film of all time. It won 11 Oscars. After Titanic, I had a blank check to do whatever I wanted.

While filming Titanic, I fell in love with Suzy Amis. But I was torn. I married Linda Hamilton, but it only lasted eight months. Then I went back to Suzy. We've been married for nine years and have three children. Suzy is a strong woman. She realizes my true genius.

Speaking of strong women, in 2000, I created Dark Angel. Since strong women seemed to be so popular and lucrative, like Pvt. Vasquez, Ellen Ripley, and Sarah Connor, I created a supersolider woman called Max Guevara. Think Pvt. Vasquez meets Britney Spears. I cast Jessica Alba. So what if I made her cry? That's showbiz honey. She too, came to love the ocean while working with me and wondered what the blue aliens living there might look like. So in 2005 she starred in Into The Blue, hoping to find some.

I thought I was in love with the ocean after Piranha II. Then I really thought I was in love with the ocean after The Abyss. Then I fell completely in love with the ocean during Titanic. I find myself falling in love with the ocean, then moving onto other things, then coming back to the ocean. Kind of like my multiple wifes. The sea holds many mysteries. In 2002, I directed Expedition: Bismarck, with Lance Henriksen narrating. In 2003, I directed Ghosts of the Abyss and went back to the Titanic. Oh, the deep blue sea. What kind of sea-monkey aliens might you hold in your fathomable depths? In 2005 I directed Aliens of the Deep, to explore the Mid-Ocean Ridge. I almost died while shooting The Abyss when my sub ran out of oyxgen. I also almost died while shooting The Titanic when my sub ran out of power. During those films, I became a conservationist. I strongly believe in conserving oxygen. And power. And now I prefer CGI. In Avatar, the plant life on Pandora is based on sea vegetation and I hired Jodie Holt, a professor of plant physiology, to help create it. Floating creatures that look like a cross between a blowing dandelion seed and a drifting jellyfish. The characters Selfridge and Quaritch call the Na'vi "blue monkeys" and "savages", just like my father dismissed my drawings of blue aliens as "stupid blue sea-monkeys."

Now, some people have called me eccentric. Overly-ambitious. Some call me a workaholic. Overwhemingly confident in my own vision. Some people have criticized my hubris. Some call me obsessive. Controlling. Hot-tempered. Hollywood's scariest man. An egomaniac. Mad. Hollywood's most monstrous genius. A megalomaniac. But when I saw Star Wars, I could see that George Lucas was living his dream. And we all know what George Lucas has become. Any fucktard can be husband or father (I'm thinking of you, Dad). But there are only five people in the world that can do what I do. I am The Futurist. What people call obsession or passion, for me it's just a work ethic. I think it comes from an insecurity that I'm not good enough. When Roger Corman told me to spraypaint Happy Meal boxes, by God, I did it for days straight with no sleep in rooms with no ventilation and I didn't complain! In Avatar, when I hit Sam Worthington with a stick to get him to react perfectly, I did it all for CGI Jake Sully. I push my actors to the limit and then over the limit. Michelle Rodriguez realizes my genius. She says I'm so amazing and that I think in 12 dimensions at all times. My cinematic worldview determines the very future we face.

It's all been leading up to this. My greatest FUCK YOU to my Dad yet. My wonderful blue aliens. Avatar is not one obsession too far. No, you idiot, they need to be THIS shade of blue. Yes, yes. Perfect. Just how I drew it as a child. Just how my father hated it. I have worked hard on my epic for four years. It has been in my mind for much longer. Hell, I spent two years just inventing the technology to fully realize my grand vision! I reinvented the way 3D films are made! I love the Na'vi like my own family, even moreso. When I spent time in New Zealand, I became fascinated with the Maori language. So I hired linguistics expert Professor Paul Frommer to invent a language for my beloved ten-foot tall blue aliens based on Maori, much like George Lucas used sped-up African Zulu for Jawas and backwards Quechua for Greedo. You know, Roger Ebert felt the same watching Avatar as he did when he first saw Star Wars.

Avatar is the first film of the future. It is not a PSA by treehuggers. It is not anti-war. Is it not against the colonization and displacement of indigenous peoples. Green is cool now right? Didn't Wall-E make a lot of money? Some people are hoping that Avatar will flop. People don't understand that I eat pressure for breakfast. But I am not a monster. I spent $237 million committing my dream to film. And $150 million marketing it. There is still one man in Hollywood who knows how to spend $300 million wisely. Me. You cannot work for me without devoting your whole life to the project. Fourteen-hour days are mandatory. Twenty-four hour days are common. Again, I only need four hours of sleep. If I only slept four hours while spraypainting Happy Meal boxes for Roger Corman, by God, you can work 24-hours a day for weeks while inputting motion capture shots for CGI facial muscles via a camera that can detect the movement of actor's muscles under their skin which I invented, thankyouverymuch. Nobody does blue people like I do.

I am not Hollywood's biggest asshole. I'm fucking James Cameron. I'm the king of the world. You all just live in it. Oh, and fuck you Dad.